I find this to be a good lesson...

...too many people think that being a martyr is a good thing...it's not good to squelch your feelings, or let yourself become overwhelmed and lost.  You have to stay true to yourself and honest, or you risk becoming resentful.  Have the power to say no.  Have the power to question.  To compromise.  Don't roll over for everything that's uncomfortable.



Tolerating People, Things, or Situations

How often have we played the martyr in our own lives, tolerating people, situations or things? People often compliment our martrydom by saying, "What a saint you must be!" though if we understood how much force we lose in martyrdom we would be less willing to accept such compliments. We might tolerate situations to avoid conflict or avoid hurting other peoples feelings. There are many reasons we might tolerate aspects of our lives that are less than pleasing, but no matter the reason, we must understand the heavy price we pay for toleration.

Unlike the feeling of allowing, in which we might not agree with something we see and yet feel no particular negative emotion about it, the feeling of toleration is always associated with some form of negative emotion. Its a feeling of perhaps gritting our teeth on the inside while smiling on the outside. It is also a great loss of force. Lets be clear about this.

There is nothing in our lives that is worth tolerating. Whatever confrontation or situation we are avoiding by tolerating the current situation is usually a momentary explosion, in which the loss of force may be great for a short period of time, but nothing compared to the slow, steady bleeding of force that comes from toleration.

When we find ourselves tolerating, we are faced with a choice: we can either change the situation so that we no longer have to tolerate it, or we can change our feeling about the person, situation or thing. Since we are all quite adept at manipulating our physical reality through direct physical action, that choice doesnt require a lot of discussion. However, if we want to change our feeling about the situation, we should examine the Law of Attraction, which plays a great role in this.

Law of Attraction says that whatever we focus on in any situation is what will manifest. For instance, if we are in a relationship with another person and all we can see is that persons faults, then our experiences with that person will consist mainly of his or her faults. If, on the other hand, we can begin a little at a time to find pleasant aspects of that person to experience, then the way we feel about the person will begin to change. Or, if that person has no pleasant aspects, he or she will leave our life. Bottom line: nothing is worth tolerating.

Another wonderful tool we can employ to change the way we feel is a classic Gurdjieff work exercise, which says that we are to deliberately observe the things which we dislike and tolerate, and make ourselves passive to them for short periods of time. For instance, if I cant stand the way that my good friend Joe smells but I like everything else about him (and I know that I dont want to mention it to him), I will practice being passive to his smell for a while. What does being passive mean? It means quieting the inner sensation of dislike that wells up.

It doesnt mean stuffing the sensation, but allowing it to move through us without attachment. Its an inner sense of detachment, as if we were watching someone elses dislike instead of our own. This exercise is to be practiced in short segments no more than 2 to 3 minutes at a time, lest we lose force during the exercise! As with everything, learning not to tolerate anything takes time, and must be practiced one small step at a time.


Enjoy your day!